In the midst of dual pandemics and ongoing BLM uprisings Dr. Melissa Barber has published Thirty Days of Thanks – Journey Towards Healing and Deliverance, now live and available in the Kindle store (ASIN B08C2QDL6L). The paperback version (ISBN: 9798646708770) is “in review” and is available at Amazon.
People seek justice and support liberation in many different ways. All contributions are valid and valued.
Let’s celebrate the varied ways we can engage by using our voices, bodies, and imaginations as families and a community!
Below are some ideas and options for safe family friendly activities right in our own homes, blocks and neighborhood in direct response to ongoing profiling and harassment of people of color, and the killings of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and many more before them.
Choose what resonates and feels right for you! Feel free to share additional ideas and plans! We are stronger together!
Let’s stand up to extreme injustice and be a force for change with our families!
SIDEWALK CHALK ART:
Friday, June 5 8am-8pm
Create bold, expressive, artful messaging for everyone who walks by. What do you want them to know and do right now? What kind of change do you want to see in the world? We will gather participant’s addresses via text, and send out a list – pack up your chalk and go leave a note, some art or message for your neighbors!To participate:1. RSVP “Going” on FB event page2. Text “Chalk + (your address)” to 917-355-1983(“chalk 408 East 136th”)
If leaving the house for a gathering doesn’t work for your family, but you still want to participate in a protest with your family – Make mini-protest signs with tape and small pieces of paper. Grab your stuffed animals, action figures, and dolls and give them their own voice about what needs to change.
Create art if it feels right, you may incorporate the following words that resonate with this moment (or simply use them for inspiration):
POWER * JUSTICE * UNITY * CIRCLE * LISTEN * STAND * HEAL * RESPECT
Light a candle (or several) for the Black and Brown lives impacted and lost to the pandemic, to racism, and to White supremacist ideology.
SAY THEIR NAMES:
George Floyd, David McAtee, Breonna Taylor, Tony McDade, Ahmaud Arbery, Sean Reed Nina Pop, Charleena Lyles, Atatiana Jefferson, Clare Legato, Dominique Clayton, Botham Jean, Philando Castile, Walter Scott, Eric Reason, Natasha McKenna, Bettie Jones, Ezell Ford, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Michael Brown
Each one of these people belonged to their own loved ones, their own families, their own communities. Design their names in chalk, in a notebook, on a T-shirt, with a paintbrush. Let the world know that their lives mattered.
One of the biggest ideas that came from the Cuban Revolution was that everyone, as a human right, should have access to healthcare and should have access to education. So Cuba has prided itself in making sure that these are very much pillars of its revolution, and that their people would always have access to that.
“In the South Bronx, Dr. Melissa Barber is putting into practice lessons she learned more than a decade ago from her training as a medical student in Cuba at the Latin American School of Medicine, or ELAM as it’s known by its Spanish initials. For Barber, healthcare doesn’t start with an ambulance ride to the hospital but with community organizing and a deep familiarity with the needs of one’s neighbors. Barber is also the coordinator for the U.S.-Cuba scholarship program that provides free medical school training in Cuba for aspiring doctors who commit to return and serve in their communities.”
In this year’s training ground, as I climbed further toward destiny, I realized that ALL of the users, deceivers, and life drainers have also been dead weight dragging me down and preventing me from feeling and getting that oxygen supply I needed to climb. The people in my life who only called me or appeared when they wanted or needed something kindly got told that they no longer had access or got completely cut off or blocked.
Letting Go of Old things (Embracing the New Season Ahead)
Author: Melissa Barber
Happy Thirtieth (and Final) Day of Thanks
“To be blessed by everything you hate, to shift from suffering to ecstasy of ache. This is your year to no longer be who you were, to rise from the embers, to be guided by Her. This is your year to be carried by grace, out of the matrix and away from the race. This is your year to be the clear-visioned goddess, to bear the heaviness of a crown, a sacred promise. This is your year to live the life of your dreams, to heal, to witness, to be the one who queens. This is your year to forever change the rest, to un-tame, to shift, to lead, and to live blessed. Woman, This is Your Year.” –Tanya Markul (2019).
Today, I give thanks for the ability to let go in all of the necessary areas of my life to embrace the God given destiny that lies ahead. This year has been one of the toughest years of my life. I literally cried in this 2019 New Year. As I sat at midnight, crying, feeling like I had been completely forgotten about and passed over, denied some of my truest heart’s desires, delayed in so many blessings, was financially spent and not feeling like God was anywhere to be found, I hoped that the moment wasn’t symbolically representing my year ahead.
I wish the crying and the depth of my heartache was only for that moment, but it lasted for days and weaved throughout the year such that it has seemed like an eternity. I lost significant people in my support system. Four days into the New Year, I almost lost my best friend. Thirty days into the New Year, I lost my mom, Nehanda. A few days after that, I caught a flu that had me down for at least two weeks. And overwhelming life situations just kept coming. Everywhere I turned, there was something new to address.
However, in the midst of the chaos and pain, I kept pressing and fighting to take one step at a time and live each day in the present. (And if most of you would also tell the truth, sometimes it’s all about getting through the day and not worrying about a tomorrow.) As I got through another day and another experience, climbing the mountain to my destiny, I’d hear the whispers of my soul telling me that there was something or someone else to let go. For those of you who climb heights, you know that the higher you go, the lower the air pressure, which makes it feel like there is less oxygen. If it feels like there is less oxygen, it’s more difficult to breathe, and thus, there is no room for dead weight and unnecessary excess. As I was climbing toward the top of my destiny mountain, I was starting to feel all of the dead and excess weight that I was carrying and suddenly it became too hard for me to breathe.
I wrestled with myself (and God) about keeping those dead weights because I’ve always had such a hard time letting go of people and things. But, the cutting off of my air supply meant I had to take drastic measures and do what I dreaded to do. I had to fight for me and my survival. So, this year was my training ground to get rid of all the dead weight and let go of the things, ideas, and people in my life that couldn’t be brought into my new season. This was the year that I stopped caring about what other people thought (about me or the decisions I made) and stood boldly, telling my truth, ideas and thoughts, whether other people liked them or wanted to hear them. This was the year that I couldn’t be convinced to stay in a friendship or situations that did not have my best in mind too. This was also the year that I listened to my soul as it gently reminded me that there was another closure needed in another area of my life.
Although this year’s journey has been filled with so much pain, heartache,tears, much prayer and restless nights, I have never known a freedom like this before. It’s the strangest thing to say that in the midst of so much pain, I feel freer. But, it’s true. Putting myself first, doing the things that I love and have always wanted to do, setting necessary boundaries, gave me my air supply back. I went to the ocean (Day 28) and got my second confirmation that I had to let go of my current job and finalized letting go of someone I really loved. My third confirmation about my job came on the last day of an orientation retreat I was hosting. (It’s always amazing how God will use an unsuspecting person to speak to your heart in the rarest of moments). It was about 3 am in the morning when my friend’s nephew starting speaking to me. He said, “You are such a hard worker and do some really amazing work with these students. It’s evident that you really love and care about them. But, you remind me so much of my mother.”
I asked him to explain why and how I was like his mother. He said, “You both are so passionate about the things you do and you take care of and sacrifice everything for other people. But, you both never take the time to sacrifice for your own selves and your own happiness.” I interjected (proud that I had spent much of the earlier part of the year doing the work to be intentional about solidifying my happiness and sacrificing for me) and said that I was making sure that I was taking care of myself too. He said, “If you were really taking care of yourself and sacrificing for yourself, then you would do and have done what you know you were supposed to do concerning this job. I can’t and won’t tell you what to do because only you can make that decision for yourself. But, there is no reason that you should be stuck here, making this ridiculously low salary when you have a family to support and talents way beyond what this has to offer you.” (Talk about an ouch moment that was all God speaking through this 22 year old man child!)
Everything he was saying was completely right. Earlier in the year, I had to set hard boundaries about my work hours because I needed to hustle to find ways to complete other projects to make money. When I signed on to my current job years ago, I agreed to do thirty hours per week. The thirty hours easily became fifty to sixty (or more) hour weeks; the extra twenty to thirty hours of which I never got financially compensated. I worked for seven years without ever getting a raise or a financial bonus, even though my work significantly increased and I suddenly took on the work responsibilities of the many people who left. I had been doing the work of two to three people for a long time and saw no relief or help in sight. On my salary alone, I could not support my family and survived off of my credit card to make ends meet. (I’m in a ridiculous amount of debt now because I didn’t make the choice to leave much sooner.)
Each time I thought to leave my job, I thought of all the students and how my leaving would impact them. Most everyone who is familiar with my program convinced me that I needed to stay because I was doing great work. Or, I had negotiated something for the program and didn’t want anything in the new negotiations to fall apart because there would be no one to pick it up. In essence, I thought of myself as too important or essential and let others convince me that my role was such as well. Ultimately, the truth is that regardless of how difficult a transition would be for my job if I left, I am, in fact, replaceable and there is always someone else who can learn to do the job. And this job should have been paying me accordingly as the work and demands increased but it had not and was not thinking about compensating me for all of my work.
As you could imagine, after that 3 am conversation, I had a great deal of thinking and decision making to do. God had spoken loud and clear through this vessel he had chosen. Here was yet another area in my life of which I needed to let go of something to embrace new opportunities for my own business growth and development as well as financial wealth.
In this year’s training ground, as I climbed further toward destiny, I realized that ALL of the users, deceivers, and life drainers have also been dead weight dragging me down and preventing me from feeling and getting that oxygen supply I needed to climb. The people in my life who only called me or appeared when they wanted or needed something kindly got told that they no longer had access or got completely cut off or blocked. The bitter people, like my mom, who couldn’t get completely cut off but who only had negativity to spread got placed in a location that was at longer than arms distance away and loved from there. Tiny feats I conquered gave me a little more of my lung capacity back.
I discovered that I was being completely deceived and undervalued by someone who I thought loved and claimed to love me. He had a secret life with a wife and child in it and, I guess, imagined that my love for him would allow him to play games and have me take second place and receive his sloppy seconds. While Love can make people entertain and contemplate dumb and crazy things, I was way past the stage of being that kind of stupid for a man. And as much as my actions shocked the heck out of us and the people around us, I let him go too. I ignored his “I love you” and “you mean everything to me” messages. I stopped entertaining his suggestions of meeting to discuss things. I had to tell a member of his family that I did not need or want updates on his life or for him to be a middle man to filter me information. I was really done. (Can you imagine me co-signing to get someone’s sloppy seconds? Puhlease! That V-8-dose of mental clarity-couldn’t come quick enough!) That move gave me so much more of my lung capacity back to climb further up my destiny mountain. I took all the time I needed to purge myself and my heart of that situation, continued to work on decluttering my life, and have become more open and intentional about meeting and dating people. (I’m taking it slow but it’s been going really well in that department so far.)
One of the hardest things I’ve had to remember (and learn) during this season of training is to look for resources and blessings to come in the most unexpected ways and from the most unexpected people. I found myself depending on specific people who committed to do certain things for me but all too often found them MIA when they needed to produce. Some of these were great people, who were totally reliable and dependable before, which allowed me to trust in them. But, I’m sure you can image my heartbreak when they didn’t come through and didn’t even give an explanation of what happened and why they didn’t come through. I prayed about these situations so that my heart was full of forgiveness and that God would provide a ram in the bush. God did it every time and whispered another valuable lesson to my soul. Instead of counting on/depending on specific people to be my source, I had to remember that God is. (He will always be my ultimate source for everything in my life!) That is going to be a nugget that I will have to keep near and dear to me as I charter into the new, unchartered territory of this coming season. My spiritual ears and sight will have to be so fine-tuned to not miss even the smallest of crumbs from God’s mouth and hands.
So this new season I’m expecting and embracing involves the reaping of the fruit from the decades of years that I have sown seeds and watered them with my sweat and tears. A new job(s) is/are coming that will increase my finances three fold (and get me out of this debt!); I’m working on doing some things that I have always wanted to do and am passionate about. (Yay!) I have about $1100 more to give the publisher so that my book will be printed and released. (And I don’t think I’ll have to resort to dancing on a pole or being a lady of the night! I have faith that the book is going to be released much sooner than later because I know and believe that the resources are coming even as I write.) When my book is released, please support it and find your way to my book signing/release party. Start saving your money now for bus, plane, or train tickets to NY because I want you all here to celebrate that moment of destiny with me. Be prepared for a real party too!
(What if it’s a best seller that jump-starts our thanks movement onto a national and international platform? Hey! ya never know! Eyes have not seen, ears have not heard nor can minds comprehend the great things God has for those who love Him.)
I’m willing and expecting for God to blow my mind.
Ms. Diva, Delilah Christina, has had some challenges this year but God has been so faithful. Her mama remains the fiercest advocate for her that she will ever know. She remains completely successful on her keto diet (when maintained by the other caretakers in her life). Her seizures have been kept to a minimum; she is finally on prescribed Epidiolex (which now saves me $300 out of pocket every 3 weeks. Hallelujah! because that financial burden was drowning me). She is working on job training skills in school, still loves fashion and modeling and will officially become an adult in about ten more months. We’ll have to start the guardianship process soon. (Please pray that there will be no hiccups or hindrances but a smooth process.) I’m still expecting God to blow my mind with her complete healing and fluency of speech. I know that the dream I saw of her on the platform of that packed out stadium singing and declaring some things that shook the earth completely awaits her and I can’t wait to see it with my own eyes.
Today as I give thanks for letting go of old things and embracing a new season, I ask that you highlight your own organization to give. (Sure, it can be one previously mentioned on the journey that you haven’t given to yet.) I also encourage you with the words of one of my favorite Toni Braxton songs: “Let it go, let it flow, let it flow, let it flow. Everything’s gonna work out right, ya know.” I’ll keep you posted and can’t wait to see you all at the book signing party.
On this Christmas Day, I give all thanks for the real reason of this season, the coming of a Savior (My savior), Jesus.
I understand that many of you reading this reflection today may not be Christian nor share the same faith as I do (It’s okay!). I would still ask that you indulge me and keep reading as I share why I give thanks for a Savior and symbolically celebrate this Holiday season.
In my (every day)acknowledgement of how much of a complete mess I am, there is so much comfort in knowing that I am not alone to do life by myself but that I have someone (Jesus) who walks out life with me and saves me from myself and all the dis-eases that this life brings me. Imagine being in the deep of a body of water and a tide comes in to over take you. The first thing you do is fight for survival. In that very instant, your will to fight prevents even a life guard from helping you because your fight mode will probably drown the life guard too. So, the life guard waits until you have exhausted your fight and you are at the end of your rope, and with little to no strength left to survive, the life guard pulls up and gives you a lifeline. He saves you and brings you back to shore. This is what Jesus’s coming did for me. When I was about to drown in all the messes/mistakes/failures of my life, Jesus threw me a life line, transforming my life, and said (John 10:10)” I am come that you might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”
The awesome thing about the lifeline is that it came with three types of life: a new life, an abundant life and an eternal life. The new life washes my slate completely clean. It says forget about the old junk, you can start completely afresh. Jesus says I’ve saved you from all your past, present and future sins. The abundant life means that I can do more than just survive, but that I can be intentional about living my life on purpose and with meaning every day. Jesus saves me from worry, fear, doubt, guilt, mistakes, unforgiveness, living a purposeless life, just to name a few things. The eternal life (as Pastor Sheryl Brady eloquently says) means that i have God’s retirement plan attached to my life that secures even my future.
Have you ever needed guidance and a little nudge to get to the next phase of your life? I have found myself (on many occasions) not knowing what to do or where to go next and completely overwhelmed by having to make decisions or figure things out on my own. Jesus, my savior, stepped in once again and gave me guidance and shed light on my path. Jesus reminds me (John 8:12) “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” I cannot tell you of the countless times that I prayed and asked Jesus to “let there be light” on a situation or to “open my eyes, Lord, so that I can see and receive the plan or blueprint that you have in mind.” And no sooner than I asked, did I receive what I asked for. Jesus guided me to the next phase in my life, showed me the next thing I was supposed to do, or opened the door for another opportunity that blessed my life. And it was right on time.
My savior, Jesus, is the ultimate when it comes to healing me of all my wounds and hurts (even the deep ones that I often hide from the world), without condemning me. I know that may be really hard for some of you to believe because you have met (on many occasions) so called Christ representors who do a great deal more of judging and condemning than loving. But, hear Jesus’s words for yourself. (John12:47)”If anyone hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge that person. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world.” Jesus’ ultimate plan is to not condemn or judge you but to love you into salvation. [Take and receive this message if you can’t grasp anything else that I write.] Jesus is a Healer and does heal us from ALL manner of diseases. [My proofs: Delilah (hormonal imbalance, multiple seizures, soon autism and the rest of those seizures), Irene (double strokes), Shamika (rheumatoid arthritis), Neida (cancer), Bill (Kidney disease]
Do you see why Jesus is my reason for the season and why I get so excited that the angel announced(Luke 2:10-11) “Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.” Jesus transforms my life; Jesus illuminates my path and guides me; Jesus gives me the blueprint for my divine destiny; Jesus heals me. And, most importantly, Jesus saves me.
Today as i give thanks for Jesus, my Savior, i invite you to know this Savior, if you’d like, so that He can do the same things for you that He does for me. Be blessed and enjoy the rest of your Christmas day.
Knowing that I was completely overwhelmed, over-stressed and under-helped, but pressing to achieve excellence, my Mama and sisterhood sponsored me to attend the annual Soul Sister’s Retreat in Los Angeles, California. They knew that this Sister’s Retreat would rejuvenate me, give me clarity, and send me back into the belly of the beast with reminders of how loved, cherished, and supported I am. Because I had no idea what to expect going to this retreat, before arriving to LAX, I vowed to be open to see/hear/feel everything within the experience. There was not one activity, workshop, presentation or experience that did not make my heart sing.
I love music and to sing from the depths of my soul; it has been something that has gotten me through my entire life. So, the fact that I was immersed in music during the entire retreat (as I learned more about sisterhood, as I was given tools to continue conquering life, as I got free, as I let go of some big weights and as I forgave a little more), I allowed the “Spirit of the Lord to be upon me” and I basked in that glory the entire weekend.
One of the greatest moments of the retreat took place at 5am. (Crazy right?) Each day, there were droves of carpoolers that crammed in cars just to get to our morning activity. After a 10 minutes drive, we made it to the endpoint of our journey. Moments later, we were engulfed in sand, feeling the cool wind hitting our faces and hearing the sound of the crashing waves hit the shore. Our morning activity involved music (again), several stretching exercises, and emotionally liberating activities with a partner. After the activities, most people stripped and ran into the ocean. (That was not happening for me because I was cold!) I kept all of my clothes and layers on. One of my soul sisters commented that I should get rid of some of my layers because I looked like I was stifled and carrying too much weight.But, what she didn’t know was that as I stood flat footed before the ocean with my arms wide open and my ankles and feet buried in the sand, I let the sun kiss my face; I had a talk with God and I let the ocean purify my soul. The ebb and flow of those waves were so calming to me; they soothed my aching heart.
For the first time in a long time, I partook in the ritual of going to the water and laying all my burdens down. In those remaining minutes, I had a conversation with God and told Him about each of my troubles. I even asked for the healing of my broken heart. As I cried tears for all of those burdens, I decided that it would be my last time crying over them. As I was cleansed, I finally found the courage and the strength to let go of those troubles and threw each into the water. Symbolically, I let the ocean carry them away.
That trip to the ocean was such a pivotal moment; it defined a shift in my life and declared a new season. I was released from my old season and everything that was attached to it. (That old season consisted of many dark nights of sowing in tears, sacrifice, deceptions, heart brakes, denials and more delays.) This new season was the joy that comes in the morning and I needed to make room for it.
I not only left the ocean freer that day, I moved one step closer to divine destiny.
Today as I give thanks for the ocean and its ability to purify, I highlight the organization Charity: Water https://www.charitywater.org the spring) whose mission is to get clean drinking water to people in developing countries. They’ve funded 38,113 water projects for 9.6 million people in 24 countries around the world. In the last nine years, the organization dug more than 16,000 water projects, raised more than $200 million from donors, and set new standards for donor engagement and public communication. 100% of all the money given by donors goes directly to the water projects. Please give as much as you can to this wonderful organization.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I started getting the onslaught of rolls (those things men jokingly call love handles) on the sides of my abdomen that started rounding out my pleasantly plump figure into a nice pear shape (SMH!) and body changes that involved smells that I have never experienced before.
Today I give thanks for the humor that is associated with aging. (One day each of you will be able to relate.)
Many of you who know me are very acquainted with my tales (or woes) of peri-menopause. You know that I panicked every time my menstrual cycle would come and I’d wake up with a pregnant woman’s elephantitis, heavy bleeding that I termed the red sea because I’d soak through my keeper and size 5 Always-overnight pads in less than an hour, a migraine over my right eye that was out of this world, bouts of wooziness that were indicative of ridiculous spikes in my blood sugar and a belly that looks like I have two new butt cheeks that are bigger than the butt cheeks on my backside (which I never imagined was possible!)
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I started getting the onslaught of rolls (those things men jokingly call love handles) on the sides of my abdomen that started rounding out my pleasantly plump figure into a nice pear shape (SMH!) and body changes that involved smells that I have never experienced before. (No more fabrics that don’t entail the one and only breathable cotton!)Now, just about every joint in my knee has a crackling pop sound, climbing the stairs to my jobs’ four story walk up seem like an almost impossible venture (every day) and I have a straight line of white whiskers at the very front of my hairline. The icing on the cake is that I have now entered into the era of the Cough-Sneeze-Laugh Pee syndrome where pantiliners are an absolute must to grab the dribbles of pee that seep out for every cough, every laugh, and every sneeze experienced in a day and wipes to freshen up throughout the entire day. (I can not go out smelling like pee every day!)
The discovery of all these new and wonderful changes has been nothing less than humorous to me. I crack up every morning as I shake my head and discover a new change with aging and that all of the older women in my life dupped me because they never told me all of this would be my wonderful gift with age.
During my last visit to my primary care physician, she was doing a gynecological exam and discovered a miniature polyp on my cervix. When I asked her, “how in the heck did that get there?” She said, “I’ll give you a print out of papers that will explain it to you” because I’m sure she was really too embarrassed to tell me what the paper said. The paper’s explanation started, “with aging . . .” and in the middle somewhere said “lack of use.” I really had to shake my head then! That damn paper had the nerve to tell me (what I think most sane woman hate to hear or dread) that my coochie was OLD and UNUSED!!!! [Really shaking my head now!]
Lord, have mercy! I just entered the phase of life where the adjectives most description of my vagina was associated with the words “OLD!” and “UNUSED!” and I’d be caught in the cross hairs of the jokes of one of those raunchy comedians who always mentioned “I don’t want no OLD coochie!”
Are you seeing the funny in all of this? I am. It’s a wonder that a woman can stay secure and balance everything while going through all of these changes. And Men are not exempt either–with their midlife crisis. (Their aim is not as strong and they pee too with their newfound hair spray ons and toupees!)
And honestly, I thank God every day that I don’t have to add hot flashes to the already mounting list of things. When I see my girlfriends talking to me and in mid sentence suddenly start to pour rivers of sweat from every orifice of their body and claim they wish they could immerse their entire bodies in a walk-in ice freezer for hours and that it still doesn’t change the hot like hell fire they are experiencing, I know there is a God that has truly spared me. And I also know that the torment of hell is not a place that I want to go or experience in my after life.
Hilarious! You have to laugh to keep you from crying or screaming.
Just recently I got this funny but true meme that listed the alphabet for seniors that I want to share so you can laugh even more about some of the changes you may be going through as you age. But, on a more serious note, Please find ways to get in shape, stay mental active, and eat healthily so that you don’t have to experience the onslaught of all these things at one time.
A: arthritisB: bad backC: chest painD: dental decay and declineE:eyesight decline (can no longer read the top line!)F: fluid retention and fissuresG: gasH: high blood pressureI: Incisions (and scars you can show)J: joints that are out of socket and won’t mendK: knees that crack when you bendL: loss of loveM: Memory and forgetting what comes next.N: Neuralgia in nerves way down lowO: osteoporosis, because bones no longer grow.P: Prescriptions because you’ll have a few; that pill will make you good as newQ: Queasy wondering if it’s fatal or a fluR: Reflux because one meal turns into twoS: sleepless nightsT: tinnitus for the bell ringing in your earU: Urinary incontinence and all the troubles with leaking flowsV: vertigo, dizzy you know.W: worry for what’s going roundX: Xray and what may be foundY: Years that you are left here behindZ: Zest that you still have in your mind
Cheers! Here’s to aging gracefully. Today as I give thanks for the humor that comes with aging, I’d like to highlight the organization Love for the Elderly (Love for the Elderly). Their initiatives and projects have brought joy to the lives of so many seniors. One of their projects consist of writing letters or sending cards to seniors in nursing homes, assisted living facilities, hospices and senior centers in over 66 different countries. Please consider writing a letter or donating some funds to put a smile on a seniors face.
Just recently, my daughter’s school needed basketball uniforms for their special needs team. I told the coach that I would call my friend Ernest, who was heavily involved in the basketball world, to see which sports companies were well known for their charitable giving, in hopes that we could solicit one of them for the uniforms. That evening, I got the biggest, best surprise of my life.
Don’t you just love surprises (good ones, not the bad ones!)? I remember when my great grandfather, after like 40 years of marriage, got my great grandmother another engagement and wedding ring. He was real broke when they got married so he gave her this real simple ring that she wore and was more than happy with for their entire marriage. (Although she loved the newer ring, she wanted to be buried in the first one for its sentimental value to her.) A few of us were in on the surprise and got all the information and stuff needed for Papa to execute his plan to give her this new ring. He did it up so well, let just say Mama gave him so real good loving that night.
That is probably one of the best good surprises that I have seen until recently.
Years ago during one of my great friend’s funeral, I met his best friend who I’ll call Ernest. During the funeral, in front of everyone, Ernest pledged to mentor and help my dead friend’s son, which I also wanted to do, so, afterwards, I talked to him to figure out how we could collaborate on helping my friend’s son. I gave him my contact information and told him to call me when he finished setting up the fundraiser or whatever project he planned so that we could makes sure my friend’s son had what he needed for college. Several days later, I received a call from Ernest. He spent less time talking about the fundraiser and more time asking about me. We talked for a little while and made arrangements to talk again after I came back from my trip to Cuba.
After my trip, Ernest and I talked several times, each time with him hinting that he wanted to take me on a date. (For those of you know how blunt I am, after a month or so of those hints, I said, “I’ve been hearing you say that you are going to ask me out on a date every time we talk, are you ever going to get around to asking me or are you trying to find out if I have a significant other?”) We finally went on that date and continued to be friends. In all honestly, I believe that when Ernest asked me on that date, he had no idea that the date would go really well or that he would eventually really like me and fall in love with me. (And he was not at all ready for any of that!)
During our friendship, I discovered that Ernest was not only a very shy person, but was a loner and had become very anger and bitter because he was deeply wounded in his personal life. His bitterness and wounded-ness often made him very mean-spirited in his words and caused him to set up barriers in his heart that keeps real love and friendship at a distance. He was also very selfish (I have never met someone that selfish in my life!). No matter how much I offered my genuine love and friendship, Ernest could and did not receive it. I always knew that there was a good person with a good heart somewhere in Ernest but still decided to walk away from our relationship because I didn’t want to spend more time being punished for something someone else did to him years before I had ever come along. It was very hard to completely walk away from him because he and Lilah had formed such a bond and were hard core buddies. (Go figure that when I was done and no longer wanted to be bothered with Ernest, Lilah wanted me to call him and pray for him! Initially, she also wanted to see him!)
I still offered my friendship and checked on him from time to time. (I’ve always worried about him because shutting people out like he does leads to such a lonely existence. Also, because his mom is so elderly and she is his world, I imagine that when she is gone, he will be all alone in the world.) I’ve always wished him the best, given him advice, celebrated his victories and encouraged him as best as I could but still kept my distance. If God revealed something concerning him, Lilah and I would always pray for him and let him know that we were covering him in prayer.
Just recently, my daughter’s school needed basketball uniforms for their special needs team. I told the coach that I would call my friend Ernest, who was heavily involved in the basketball world, to see which sports companies were well known for their charitable giving, in hopes that we could solicit one of them for the uniforms. That evening, I got the biggest, best surprise of my life. When I called Ernest to ask him which companies we should solicit, he asked me how many uniforms were needed for the team. I said that I didn’t really know but assumed no more than 15-20. Ernest, then, offered to sponsor the team and get the uniforms. When I tell you that my mouth was wide open for almost a minute (I kid you not) and that I was so shocked, I had to ask Ernest twice if I had heard him correctly. This was so unusual and unheard from Ernest (at least in my extensive knowledge of him.)
I was wondering what happened to the Ernest that I knew because this was not him. (You remember that I told you that the Ernest I knew was very selfish; he would have never done that.) The sponsorship of the uniforms wasn’t even the icing on the cake. Ernest asked for the school logo then designed and ordered reversible uniforms that cost at least $100 each. The designs were so breath-taking; I couldn’t stop smiling for a week. I texted Ernest and told, “if you were trying to impress me, consider me very happy, smiling and beyond impressed with you right now.” I got a smile emoji back. I literally have to apologize in front of the world for calling him selfish because obviously he is not that way anymore. In the last few months, as the uniforms were being made, we have had some of the best exchanges (he’s been surprisingly nice and really different during most encounters!) He let me know that because I wanted these uniforms for the team, he wanted to ensure that they would be my gift to the school. Talk about a good surprise! The uniforms have arrived and they are absolutely beautiful.
I really don’t know who this new person is but I really like this new guy and hope that he stays.
Today as we give thanks for good surprises, I would like to highlight the organization KEEN- Kids Enjoy Exercise Now https://www.keennewyork.org). They provide sports and arts programming to children with special needs year around. Please donate your time and financial resources to this organization.
Today I give thanks for the many dream teams (power couples) who build love, life and community together. God is so good and always on time! I was trying to gather my thoughts and write about this theme and center it around my Mama and Papi’s love and life story for a few days. Every time I tried to write, I’d get passed the introduction and get stuck. Since it wouldn’t go where I wanted it to go, I’d put it down and started working on another “Pretty, Ugly Christmas Sweater” or content for another theme of thanks. I started talking to God in my morning prayer and asked why this particular theme of thanks wasn’t flowing out of me like the others were. Several minutes later, at 5:04 am, I looked at my email and saw that my Mama had sent me her long awaited theme of thanks reflection. Guess what? (I don’t even have to tell you because you are about to read it for yourself.) She had the complete content of my theme of thanks sitting in my inbox. Talk about my mama always being in sync with me. All I had to do was be patient because the “perfect” story about my theme was coming and told by the woman herself. And thanks to another dynamite woman, who I had only heard about and finally got to meet two years ago, Ms. Tina Roberts, who encouraged me to stay focused and pursue the community center. She has the model of what I want and have dreamed of… the black marriage and community center wrapped in one. Please welcome to the stage my Mama, Ms. Kathyrn Hall-Trujillo and enjoy this reflection.
Today I am thinking about and thankful for the power of love. The longer I live, the more I continue to understand the different manifestations of this indefinable and unquantifiable force that can drown or wash us fresh…that can strip us of everything we hold dear or grow and nurture deep roots that connect us to the essence of life…sometimes all of the above and more.
When I think of the power of love, I think of Tina and Darrell Roberts. Their love has demonstrated to all of us who know and love them (even) before they became a family, how a family can become a strong foundation in building community. From the beginning, they defined “equally yoked” as their equal intention and commitment to building something endearing and enduring together for the benefit of families in their neighborhood. The requested gifts for their wedding reception were items for their new family community center.
I need to confess that I was happy for Tina on her wedding day but I was also sad because she was one of the founders and the administrator of the The Center for Community Health & Well-Being, home of Nia, the Birthing Project Clinic. I did not want to see her leave us because she was such an integral part of the Birthing Project. She was an extraordinary Birthing Project Sisterfriend and when we decided we needed to build our own clinic…we had all looked at her because she was the only one who had some hands on experience working in the medical field. And, she used all of her experience, compassion and sheer grit to do what had not been done before in the US. Nia became the first community based, not-for-profit, women of color (yes, we were a rainbow coalition), maternal and women’s health care clinic in the country!
However, from the beginning, Tina had always told us that her dream was to have a place for the children and their families. She would tease us and say the Birthing Project helps babies to be born as healthy as possible and I want to make sure their parents have what they need to nurture, educate and raise them.
As the Birthing Project was growing into The Center for Community Health & Well-Being, a full scope women health and social service agency, Darrell Roberts was directing other community based projects, such as St Hope Academy, Healthy Start and the Salvation Army Community Center. And, he was dreaming of one day having his own community center for families.
Then one day, the two discovered that they loved each other and the reason they were such great friends and colleagues is because they shared a dream. The rest is history. The fruit of their marriage has been the Roberts Family Development Center (RFDC). It is more than a dream for the two of them; it is something they are building to honor the legacies of the grandparents on whose shoulders they stand. The vision of the center is to provide services to the Greater Sacramento area that meet the individual needs of each family member. The services provide a holistic approach focusing on PreK-12th grade academic support and enrichment, parent education, and community involvement and advocacy.
The Center is nationally acknowledged as a model for educating, nurturing and supporting our parents and their children to envision and co-create the society we want for them. The programs that are offered there include: Freedom School, After School Program, Black Child Legacy, Teen Scene, Pacers Moving Forward and Parent Empowerment. Even though there are now seven service sites throughout Sacramento, the original building that anchors the center is a beautiful restored house in a real neighborhood.
Most importantly, everyone who is involved with RFDC, from funders and stakeholders, policy influencers and participating families are greeted by a couple committed to each other leading the organization. Tina and Darrel have been transparent in the work and rewards involved in creating and sustaining a marriage and a business. This is so valuable because it negates the primary stereotype of Black families. When I walk through their doors, it feels like a home…with the parents figuring out how to hold it all together while making sure the children know they are loved and safe.
Now, almost 20 years since I sat there feeling sorry for the loss of Tina, I am grateful for all the ways she has taught and influenced me to follow my own dreams. I, too, had a yearning to combine my personal and “career” passion with a partner. Many of us are told all the time that it is asking for trouble to combine home and work. While that may be true, the work of service that was put on my heart is a part of who I am. When I was honestly ready to love and care for a partner and work as hard to make my marriage work as I did the Birthing Project…Arnold Trujillo walked in the door! And, did I say “honestly willing to share and trust” my beloved Birthing Project with him?
Arnold is an amazing photographer and documentarian. He portrays the essence of the Birthing Project in one picture in a way that I can never say with words. There are so many things we do not agree on and we have to have rules that there are times and places where work and love are separate. But the sweet spot is that satisfaction of putting our heads, hands and hearts together to co-create the world we both dream about. Those times when we say “our baby doctors In Cuba” or “look at our leadership team or “wow, that hurt” and we knew it meant “us”. So, I am asking you to check out the RFDC (https://www.robertsfdc.org/) and see what Tina and Darrell have built with their love. If you like what you see, please donate to their organization. I do this as often as I can…not just for their impactful and critical work but for their demonstration of how love can be a foundation to create something wonderful! (Please see the attachment to see their lovely photos. No matter how hard I tried to get it in this email, it would not paste.) Love Ya,Have A Great Day of Thanks!